June 1, 2009 3:22pm
Perfecting the art of expression.
I think the only reason I write now is to hold on to the days that I used to write regularly and it used to make me feel good. Although I don’t think I can say it doesn’t make me feel good now when I write. But I think I really have lost the fire I once had for writing. When I read my past journal entries though my thoughts generally go something like: wow this was so stupid and ridiculous, totally not worth all the time I spent writing. And the writing is simple with little depth. It’s just me going on and on and on about how upset I am about boys. And it’s almost always about boys. Ugh. I was such an emotional teenager. My entries are just me trying to put my intense feelings on paper and they just come out as annoying banter. I can’t knock myself too much though. I mean that is part of who I am. I guess I’m much better at expressing myself these days. I can articulate much better. But words will never compare to the real feelings. And I almost always feel overwhelmed and disorganized when it comes to actually coming up with the words to describe my life and feelings. Even now. I always ask myself if the words I’ve written were sufficient enough in describing my sentiments. And often I feel the answer is no which I guess is how I can understand how my past entries were long, annoying and repetitive. I just wanted to emphasize my strong feelings. I still do and I always will want to.
Or is it the art of perfecting expression?
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